by Annabel Beerel, Ph.D
This is a very important question as it affects your whole life – every nook and cranny of it. Every encounter, every experience, and every reflection.
Are you self-accountable?
Now you might ask: What does that mean exactly? Or you might respond by saying: “Of course I am self-accountable, I take responsibility for my mistakes.”
Indeed, self-accountability includes taking responsibility for one’s errors and for not being one of those lousy blamers or excusers. That certainly isn’t you or me!
However, self-accountability is more than that. It is a way of being, thinking, feeling, and showing up in the world. Self-accountability occurs when we recognize that our conditioned minds frame our realities, influence our experiences, and freeze our judgments as we travel the highway of everyday living. Self-accountability helps us realize that we are often stuck in the polarities of our views, biases and choices. We jump to this is good or bad, pretty or ugly, she is nice or horrible, he is distant or overly familiar.
Self-accountability is our own inner touchstone that “reminds” us that we have choices and that we have the power to look at our minds and how they are influencing our feelings, thoughts and judgments. Self-accountability reflects that well known adage that we see the world as we are, not as it is. With self-accountability we see how we jam the world into our mental frames and do not let it speak for itself.
Self-accountability helps us take responsibility for our lives, our choices, our stories. That does not mean that things don’t happen outside of our control. That does not mean we do not get hurt, are misunderstood, and sadly sometimes we are injured or abused. Yet, self-accountability helps us frame those experiences so that we do not become victims or powerless people who disappear from ourselves by claiming we have no choices.
How can we enhance our own self-accountability not that we become insecure or neurotic, but that we become more thoughtful, more reconciling and more open to things as they are?
Our friend mindfulness and her partner meditation can truly help here. By being mindful we slow down, take a deep breath, drop into ourselves and inhabit our minds in new ways. We witness our judgments and our projections, and we realize in the present moment, that whatever happens, we are the common denominator. Wherever we are, there we are. We play a role in everything. We just have to decide what role that will be.
Mindfulness helps us become more secure, more accountable, more grounded and less vulnerable to the vagaries of others. Being mindful of our own self-accountability will change our lives. Try it. I assure you, you will become a better friend, partner and co-worker, and you will realize in a new deep way that you are truly in charge of your life and your dreams!
March 14, 2018